ii can't bring myself to look in the mirror
`cuz i don`t w a n t t o s e e m y s e l f
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Tuesday, September 28, 2004
aww, yay so um today is monday :)...i woke up @ like 7:15 so i only had 7 minutes to get ready..which would explain why i loooked liek shit --» try having to make your bed wwhile your brushing your teeth...wash your face w/ like 10 dif. steps [i use proactiv]...do your make up..do your hair..and get changed in 7 minutes...i honostly didn't think that was possible. anyways, today was a pretty good day...gym we had to run *sighs* then we played badmitton and me and katie TOTALLY owned joe && brian. by far. like 15-8 was the score mwahaha. we rule. but of couse i tried to cheat *teehee* because i um can't serve...and every time i tryed it wouldn't go over or it would go to the wrong side..but i would deney it and be like joe your such a liar it went over! c'mon joe why didnt you hit that that was SO on your side! gosh...haha then in reading we just picked partners...in english we watched a boring ass movie...lunch me && steph talked about how i brushed my teeth && made my bed @ the same time...we're fags ik! haha, then in study hall me && saba went to the library...umm west civ. we took a test && i got a 5 out of 20...eek! =/. umm in algebra we basically just talked but okay story time *so we're @ my locker* [me && jake] and i'm tryin to do my combo so i didnt see dave walk up and jake said something about wanting to go? [like as in fighting] but he was totally joking...but i thought he was talking to me and i was like umm what? and then hes liek this kid right here [dave is beyond gorgeous i must say] anyways...so yeah um, && yeah. then in biology we made signs for our candy sale :). yay, then i came home && my mommie took me to walgreens. && now i'm going to go take a shower ... i have detention tomorrow && i have to be at school by 7 :-/ eek. thats normally when i wake up, fuuuck. ookay yeah
haha people are so effing gullible --»
aSh O 2 4 2 (7:27:27 PM): hey is your middle name anne
theshowdown523oX (7:27:29 PM): thats what i thought biotch
theshowdown523oX (7:27:36 PM): no
theshowdown523oX (7:27:38 PM): it's alias
aSh O 2 4 2 (7:27:44 PM): it is?
theshowdown523oX (7:27:46 PM): yeah
theshowdown523oX (7:27:53 PM): brittani alias mckenna
aSh O 2 4 2 (7:27:54 PM): are you sure brittani
theshowdown523oX (7:27:57 PM): yes...i am
aSh O 2 4 2 (7:28:00 PM): lol im just joking with ya
aSh O 2 4 2 (7:28:04 PM): ;-)
theshowdown523oX (7:28:15 PM): yeah, i was like "why doesnt she believe thats my middle name"
aSh O 2 4 2 (7:28:59 PM): lol..
aSh O 2 4 2 (7:29:02 PM): ur in my profile!!
theshowdown523oX (7:29:10 PM): why isn't my middle name in there?
theshowdown523oX (7:29:13 PM): that upsets me...
theshowdown523oX (7:29:16 PM): i'm really offended
theshowdown523oX (7:29:17 PM): ugh
theshowdown523oX (7:29:19 PM): whatever
aSh O 2 4 2 (7:29:21 PM): i'll put it in
theshowdown523oX (7:29:23 PM): than ks
aSh O 2 4 2 (7:30:06 PM): there we go
theshowdown523oX (7:30:14 PM): YAY
aSh O 2 4 2 (7:30:51 PM): hehe... your soo awesome.. i love you soo muchh
theshowdown523oX (7:30:59 PM): haha i <3 u 2!
aSh O 2 4 2 (7:31:32 PM): YES brittani alias mckenna loves me
llmao
oooh picture time *star of the moment = alison :D*
  
yay!
Posted at 07:16 am by 090202
Permalink
Monday, September 27, 2004
yay this weekend rocked hardcore sex <3. oookay so friday = school ;; the pep assembly [so so so so so boring!] ;; then the east game ;; then chellows party 8-). then yesterday was homecoming so i woke up @ 11:30 and then took a shower then went && got my hair done ;; then i did my make up and got into my dress and painted my nails ;; then picked up alison then took pictures ;; then picked up sara and took MORe pictures ;; then went to Applebee's ;; we ate like shit haha ;; we all shared nachos then i had an oriental salad? and sara had a mangerin salad? and alison had a caesar salad ;; then alison && sara shared a hambergur ;; then we went to the dance && danced all night and gosh it was funn stuff!!! then today alison came over && we walked to walgreens && then walked to sandlewood && swang on the swings ;; then we started walkign back && on the walk back we layed in the grass && people kept honking at us and stuff we were liek DONT WORRY WE'RE ALIVE :D ;; thennn we walked back to my crib yo ;D hahahah ;; thenn...umm then we watched mean girls && ate dinner ;; then talked online ;;; then alison left like 10 minutes ago...yay now i'm gonna go take a shower && do my homework! woohoo =/ NOT! mwahaha.
-brit
Posted at 07:18 am by 090202
Permalink
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
lwe is out to get me...i promise you! first i got in trouble for dress code, bc when i got up in english my shirt came up a little...and he had a COW. i was like ugh whatever. so i got threee detentions for my shirt riding up when i stood up...then i got yelled @ by mr.brandolino bc me and kyle were passing each other notes and he's like "will you stop clowning off!" and then jakes like "who me?" and hes like "no her!" and he pointed to me and he's like "im sick of you always passing notes blah de blah blah" i was like whatever stupid ass. but my face turned like beet red cuZ i thought he was gonna read the note and ya that'd be embarasing, bc what we were talkin about i'd get like suspended lol. but yeah thats the first time since school started which is like a month ago that he's ever yelled YELLED yelled at in our class, and it had to be me haha. then, i got called down to the principle bc mr. widinski marked me absent for 2 days on accident and they thought i was ditchin class they're like "whats your id number?" and i gave it to them then they're like "what class are you in right now?" and i was like "biology" and hes like "well it says you've been absent for 2 days [thursday and friday] in biology but you're marked for being here" and i was like "i was in biology both those days" and hes like "whats your teachers name?" and i gave it to him and hes like "alright i'll talk to him" i was liek god get in trouble 3 times in one day...what a day huh? but yet today also happened to be really good. imagine that haha. bc first in lunch this HOT ass kid who looks like almost exactly like alisons cousin kept looking at me and steph. then when we were leaving i purposely walked by him and he smelt SO good btw and he looked at me and smiled then he went by his friend who was in front of us and was like "dude shes hot" then his friend looked directly at me and then was like yeah ik...so i think they might have been talking about me but idk :D teehee. then in algebra, this hot asss kid was supposedly looking at me [says jake] and so yay. haha, then...um...idk today was just really fun. oh but also i got a D on my algebra test...=/. i hate algebra. but i think i did good on my reading & biology test. high school sucks.
aw, lauren is such a sweetie --»
xoincubus6932xo (5:28:55 PM): nothin really...you looked so petty today!!
theshowdown523oX (5:28:58 PM): petty?
xoincubus6932xo (5:29:06 PM): pretty* lool
theshowdown523oX (5:29:11 PM): haha, aw thank you! so did you!
xoincubus6932xo (5:29:16 PM): haha yeah okay.
theshowdown523oX (5:29:25 PM): you did! you always do haha. :D
xoincubus6932xo (5:29:34 PM): haha no you do...you're like perfect
theshowdown523oX (5:29:39 PM): um try no haha
xoincubus6932xo (5:29:47 PM): you are!!! holy shit you are!
theshowdown523oX (5:29:51 PM): riight...haha
xoincubus6932xo (5:30:03 PM): okay brittani..im not gonna even start with you haha
theshowdown523oX (5:30:14 PM): haha wtf...im not perfect, seriously.
xoincubus6932xo (5:30:27 PM): yeah okay. i'm gonna make a list of why i think you're perfect.
xoincubus6932xo (5:30:36 PM): and you BETTER not comment badly! lool
theshowdown523oX (5:30:41 PM): haha riight, okay shoot.
xoincubus6932xo (5:30:47 PM): you're gorgeous
theshowdown523oX (5:30:49 PM): nope
xoincubus6932xo (5:30:53 PM): SHUT UP. lool
theshowdown523oX (5:30:58 PM): haha um no?
xoincubus6932xo (5:31:09 PM): okay next...you have super straight hair.
theshowdown523oX (5:31:13 PM): ...straightener...
xoincubus6932xo (5:31:22 PM): hahaha okay...you have brown hair
theshowdown523oX (5:31:27 PM): ...um so do you
xoincubus6932xo (5:31:44 PM): haha okay yeah but you have like middle brown hair, i have like almost black brown hair
theshowdown523oX (5:31:51 PM): haha um okkkay...
xoincubus6932xo (5:31:58 PM): you have big boobs!
theshowdown523oX (5:32:10 PM): yay jump for joy..=/
xoincubus6932xo (5:32:17 PM): you're bodys like perfect.]
theshowdown523oX (5:32:23 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
theshowdown523oX (5:32:24 PM): riight
xoincubus6932xo (5:33:02 PM): okay this is my perspective of you...
theshowdown523oX (5:33:15 PM): oooooooookay.
xoincubus6932xo (5:34:21 PM): you have a beautiful face...you have beautiful hair...you have a perfect body...you have really pretty eyes...you have adorable clothes...you have the funnest jewelry...you're funny...you're so cute...you're always nice to eveeryone...and all the guys stare at you when we walk down the hall.
Posted at 05:19 am by 090202
Permalink
Saturday, September 18, 2004
yeah, so ummm ... this weekend is kind-of fun, but also kind-of sucky! i wanna see someone =/. i doubt i will though. i need to talk to jose about something. but i doubt i will do that either >:|. um, yeah so yesterday i woke up at like 7 and got ready then went to school, and in gym rick was telling the hot guy [hes SUPER tall, he has brown shaggy hair, and he wears tight pants <3. and btw he has a REALLY nice butt] how i thought he was hot and rick kept pointing at me and then the hot guys like "wow she has big boobs" or w.e im like yeah u have a nice butt. we had to sing the fight song OVER AND OVER AND OVER. ALL day. it stunk. and yeah and then i came home, got ready and then went to sara's. we all hung out at main park for a few hours. then went to the carnival with ryan, teddy, mike, justin, me, alison, sara, and jesse. it was kind-of fun and then it got all sad bc amanda told alison somethign that now luke and them are saying isn't true but at the time we thought it was so alison got all sad, then jesse was sad about something and then i was pissed at something/someone. and then we all went on the himalaya and we were dancing and shit it was fun. then we got off and walked around. alisons mom came picked me, alison, sara, and jesse up. as we were walking to walgreens from the carnival these drunks at the outdoor bar thing were asking if we wanted to go back to there place and have fun and jesse and alison were bitching at them and me and sara we're behind talking so we didnt hear it untill we got up theere and then i was like um yeah we're 14 and 15 ur obviously older then 21, RAPE. and alisons like ew your old and then theyre like "old? baby im not old" and then i was like YOUR A LOSER. and then they were like aw girlie calm down and i was like ur such a fucking loser u probably dont even know how to spell loser L - O - S - E - R. and then we just went to walgreens and got in the car. mrs. tomczak and emily went in to get soemthing. and then they came back out and brought us all chocalate milk. jesse was chuggin hers. and i didnt want mine so alison had it =D. then we all slept over @ sara's outside in the backyard. mike, ryan, teddy, and justin all came over. we were all hangin out for a little bit. then they left. me, alison, and sara walked to always open, got a 2 liter of dr. pepper and a bag of barbeque chips and walked back to sara's. on the walk back me and jesse took off our shirts and walked back in our bra's and p.j pants 8-). we ate and drank in sara's tent thingy. and then we were all talking about stuff and we kept hearing shit. like scratching and it sounded like people were walking outside and then we heard people talking so we all got scared. WE ALL TOOK OFF OUR BRA'S AND WERE IN OUR BAGGY SHIRTS AND P.J PANTS. it was fun ahahahhahahahhahhheuhuihruihnio :). and then mike called my cell and jesse and him talked for 45 minutes :) me and sara fell asleep. i kept waking up and being hyper with alison and jesse, then settled down and fell back asleep. um, yeah and then we all fell asleep. woke up from the damn crows >:| haha. me alison and jesse all woke up at 9:41 bc of the crows. and then sara woke up at like 10. and we all hung out in her tent and talked some more. and then we all put on our bra's cept jesse. and jesse kept throwing stuff. and then she whipped a walnut and it hit me in the eye. my eye hurts really bad and is all like swollen and shit. oh well. then my mom came and picked me and alison up and i came home. now im gonna go take a shower, get ready, go back to sara's with alison, then my moms pickin me up at like 5 and we're goin out to eat. then she's gonna drop me back off at the little carnival thingy with sara and alison. and then yes.
btw i hope i see, you know who this weekend. :)
Posted at 11:32 pm by 090202
Permalink
Thursday, September 16, 2004
okay i cant hold this in any longer ... i've talked to alison about this so many times and i've talked to other people but its still there, and it's still bugging me and i don't really expect anyone to read this ... but this is the only thing that i can really like say all this shit. and i feel completely gay writing this out to a fucking computer but i don't even care anymore. i'll probably end up deleting this entry later, but i think it'll feel really good to get this all out. okay so this past year has sucked ass so much, but it's also been really good at the same time ... if that makes any sense what so ever. anyways, okay so i get crushes really easily, i go through "liking" people so much but theres one kid that i can't get over, and i know it's completely ridiculous bc i know he doesnt like me. and at the most he jus thinks im "hot" and i know a lot of people would be like "yay the kid i like thinks im hot! woohoo celebration, yay party to the world, this is the best thing ever" and believe me, at one point thats how i was ... but i know this sounds selfish but i want more then that. for once i want someone that i like THIS much, to like me back just as much. he's completely different then anyone else i've ever liked, he's funny, nice, hot, and smart. and i know we'll never "be together" so i've tried to get over him so many times, but it doesn't work. and for whatever reason, he's the only guy i cant get over. it's pretty pathetic that, people i've never even met before, that as far as i know, he's not even friends with know i like him. and i'm sure those who don't know who i'm talking about are probably justl ike okay then go out with him, or let him know that you like him. but it's not that easy because for one, he lives an hour and a half away, and he's my best friends cousin. if that's not bad enough, he doesn't even talk to me online anymore. the only time he talks to me is when i'm with him and his cousin, then he talks to me a lot and "flirts" a lot but probably just bc im his cousins best friend so he can't be mean to me. and i know a lot of people are like "thats gay he totally likes u" but obviously he doesn't if the most he's ever said about me was that i was "hot" and idk if that was a lie either. and that im "cool as hell". every time i think he likes me, it brings my hopes up, and it just spirals back down bc i realize i'm an idiot. like for instance in the past august, i went to indiana beach with alison and her family, and he was there and he flirted a lot. and believe me i'm not one to brag about "people flirting with me" ask alison i always deney it and say she's on crack, but i mean this was hard core flirting that even i could tell he was, and then so i'm thinking "wow, the guy i like THIS much .. is flirting with me like this" and so i got all happy and my hopes were brought up thinking maybe just maybe i have a chance, but then his old best friend is telling me to get over him and stuff, and then people are saying he says "im cool as hell but to not get any ideas" and stuff so then i start to think, okay i deff. need to stop liking him ihave no chance. and then ya know, people tell me he does like me, and idk who or what to believe. and it's not like he'd ever tell me flat out bc idt he even knows how i feel, which totally fucking sucks because i'm not one to go and tell people i like them, and i think if he knew he'd start to feel weird around me bc that's how i am, when people i dont like tell me they like me i feel weird around them. so i don't want that to happen,but w/e he's already practically told me he doesn't like me anymore bc everytime i IM him and say hey he doesnt answer, and that's why i never wanna IM him because i feel like i'm annoying him, but then paulina and alison tell me to IM him or they wont talk to me anymore untill i do and stuff, so i do because i think hell maybe he'll answer for once. but he never does, not for the past like 2 weeks. annyways i'm done talking about him bc this is pissing me off just talking about it .. so anyways next thing : okay so in august i met this really cool kid, who i instantly became like close to, and the first night i met him we were @ a party outside and there was liek 297598 people there but it was just me and him talking, sitting in the grass in a little group of like 10 people and throughout everyone there, as soon as we started talking i completely like forgot about like everyone else there and it felt like it was just like me and him and we were like jokin around with each other and throwing grass on each other and stuff and like "flirting" says alison and sara and then that night i slept over @ alisons and then went to indiana beach for the weekend but anyways and then that monday when i got back i guess he asked sara what my sn was and she said he said "whos that girl i was talking to?" and shes like "brittani" and hes like "whats her sn? shes really cool and hot i like her" orr somethign so she gave him it and then me and him started talking online and like i felt so like comfortable talking about anything with him, he'd give me like advice on guys and everything. and so i started liking him, and then he went out with one of my best friends, and it made me feel like crap, but i didn't show it bc i know she liked him a lot and i knew he liked her so the day he asked her out i kept telling him to, to hide that i didnt want them to go out bc i liked him, and i guess he didnt want to and then i guess he thought "i was making him" ask her so then we went to the little carnival thing and they were holding hands and stuff and i didnt wanna watch and like let it get to me so i was "all over all the guys" and honostly i dont think i was but everyone was saying i was, and i guess thats my way of blocking something out is flirting. and then the next time we hung out with him, we were all at the carnival and he was at the east game so we all walked up to the game to get him and instantly when he saw her they just held hands and were all over each other and of course it bothered me but i didnt want it to so i acted like a fag, and was so hyper and being crazy and i guess that was my way of blocking it out again was pretending i was SOO happy for them and everything. and everyone was like "look how cute they are blah blah blah" so i just became even more hyper and i guess it pissed him off and he got mad @ me for that i guess. then i told him i was going out with someone and all of a sudden he was soooo mad @ me and then he blocked me and then he broke up with one of my best friends and blamed it on me and i haven't talked to him since ... okay anyways next thing, also .. everyones saying my boobs are fake, and i honostly and truthfully am telling you the god awful truth THEY ARE REAL. okay im so sick of people thinking they're fake, i know that they're too big for my body, and i'm sorry .. but thats how i was born. i've had boobs since like 5th grade. and then they were like an A up to 7th grade in 7th grade they went into a B and then over the summer of 7th grade going into 8th they went up all the way to a 36 C and so i guess people just automatically thought i stuff bc they went from like a 32 B to a 36 C over 2 months and idk how bc over those 2 months i lost weight, but my bodys fucked up, lets just face it. i grew from 4'11 to 5'1 and went from a size like 9 to a size 7 in jeans and my boobs went from a 32 B to a 36 C. then over the 8th grade year i went from 5'1 to 5'4 and a size 7 in jeans to a size 5 and a size 36 C to a 38 C. so idk my bodys fucked, but i don't stuff, i don't wear water bras, i don't wear padded bras, and i don't have implants so they're is no way in hell they're fake, unless i got implants when i was like born then they're not fake okay? so lay off of the fake thing cuz it's old and tireing. another thing that's been bugging me is that i've lost so many friends since 6th grade to now. i've lost like 98% of my 6th grade friends, to what i have no idea ... but i don't talk to basically any of them, and one of them died [kevin] so i actually LOST one and i miss him, even though people are probably like "you and kevin weren't close" thats true, we weren't close 7th, or 8th grade ... but in 6th grade he was one of my best guy friends. and i miss him just like i'd miss ANY of my old friends if they died, even though i didn't talk to him anymore, i still got to see him, and i still got to know that he's okay. but now idk where he is, whats happenin with him or anything. and i know i don't have any like real storys of me and him like his best friends do but it doesnt mean i dont miss him just as much. but i've lost like 8 or 9 friends from 6th grade, 4 or 5 from 7th grade and 2 from 8th grade. out of those 8 or 9 friends from 6th grade that i lost, 3 of them were my BEST FRIENDS in 6th grade, out of those 4 or 5 i've lost from 7th grade 2 of them were my BEST FRIENDS and both of the friends i've lost since 8th grade were both my BEST FRIENDS. one of them was my BEST guy friend. since me starting freshman year, i've done a few things that i wish i didnt, such as start smoking cigs. again, but i'm not going to anymore bc i saw how pissed alison got that i started it back up and i don't want to lose her over something like smoking. another thing, don't do cocaine, please don't bc my BEST FRIEND SINCE 1ST GRADE started it and i guess she did it a lot and now she's gone, she didn't die but she has to live with her aunt now and i dont think i'll ever talk to her again. so please, please, please don't mess up your life and do cocaine
okay yeah i'm done.
Posted at 03:49 am by 090202
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